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Seattle Theater – Stage

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~They had it coming.~

The cast had already been out on the stage doing warm ups and getting into position, while the band was tuning their instruments. Really, it was your typical rehearsal, and there was much fuss being made over Mariah, who seemed to need to have everything explained to her at least three times, since she was an emergency replacement for Lucy Luvich. Simone threaded her arm in Nick’s as she walked him out to the stage, and then seeing Mariah, she made sure the buxom diva got a good look at Simone being on her husband’s arm. Simone whispered something to Nick, which was actually “You should give her a kiss for good luck.”, before removing her arm, and going over to her stand point, to get ready for the call to start rehearsals.

From where Mariah stood, she spotted the leggy dancer and her husband, and the way he smiled when Simone said something, that looked private. As for unsettling the star, it seemed to be working, if the expression on her face was anything to go by. The set crew were pushing the jail bar props into place, and the number that was going to be rehearsed was the Cell block tango. A bold number that required six dancers including Mariah and Simone. The director explained the role again to Mariah, who was now slightly unnerved as Nick kept waving at her from the wings. Sally rolled in the refreshment trolley and parked it to the side just out of view of the director. No doubt there were going to be some very thirsty dancers.

“Alright people. Places. Mariah, you know your mark now? Good. Simone…let’s see that talent, baby. Okay…in five, four three..two….one…”

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[ANNOUNCER]
And now the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of “The Cell Block Tango”

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(4X)

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it

[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(2X)

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
Have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and I’m
Looking for a little bit of sympathy
And there’s Bernie layin’
On the couch, drinkin’ a beer
And chewin’. No, not chewin’.
Poppin’. So, I said to him,
I said, “You pop that
Gum one more time…”
And he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
And I fired two warning shots…
… into his head.

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you’d have been there
If you’d have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago,
And he told me he was single
And we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He’d go to work, he’d come home, I’d
Fix him a drink, We’d have dinner.
And then I found out,
“Single” he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
Was he married
… oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
Night, when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can’t hold
Their arsenic.

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In it’s prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I’m standing in the kitchen
Carvin’ up the chicken for dinner,
Minding my own business,
And in storms my husband Wilbur,
In a jealous rage.
“You been screwin’ the milkman,”
He says. He was crazy
And he kept on screamin’,
“you been screwin the milkman.”
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

[ALL]
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK (Spoken in Hungarian)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
Lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
Vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
A rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg…

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you do it?

[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA] – Played by Simone.
My sister, Veronica and
I had this double act
And my husband, Charlie,
Travelled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
We did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
One, two, three, four, five… splits, spread eagles,
Back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we’re down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin’, havin’ a few laughs and
We ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there’s Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing.
It wasn’t until later,
When I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming all along
[GIRLS]
They had it coming all along
[VELMA]
I didn’t do it
[GIRLS]
She didn’t do it
[VELMA]
But if I done it
[GIRLS]
But if she’d done it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In it’s prime
[VELMA]
I didn’t do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I’d done it,
[GIRLS]
And they abused it
[VELMA}
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[GIRLS]
It was a murder but not a crime
[MONA(Spoken)]
I loved Al Lipschitz
More than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy…
Sensitive… a painter.
But he was always trying
To find himself.
He’d go out every night
Looking for himself
And on the way
He found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
Up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
And I saw him dead.

[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[Group 1]
They had it comin’
[Group 2]
They had it comin’
[Group 1]
They had it comin’
[Group 2]
They had it comin’
[Group 1]
They had it comin’
[Group 2]
They had it comin’
[Group 1]
All along
[Group 2]
All along
[Group 1]
‘Cause if they used us
[Group 2]
‘Cause if they used us
[Group 1]
And they abused us
[Group 2]
And they abused us
[ALL]
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 2]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 1]
If you’d have been there
[Group 2]
If you’d have been there
[Group 1]
If you’d have seen it
[Group 2]
If you’d have seen it
[ALL]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.

[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!

The performance by Simone, as Velma was sensational as the song seemed to take on a whole new meaning – if only everyone knew. Mariah was of course nervous and it showed, but the cast seemed to expect that from the diva who barely had time to go over the moves. As the number came to a close, Simone slipped out the butter satchel from her small pocket and made sure to drop it not far from where Mariah had finished.

“Great great….okay lovelies. Everyone break for five.”

The dancers all were thirsty and lined up for refreshments, much to Simone’s delight, while Nick started to walk towards Mariah. Mariah grinned and went to run across the stage towards him….and that was when it happened. She stepped on the butter satchel and went flying, her legs in the air. Fabulous. She landed awkwardly and you could hear a terrible snap. Did she break something? The Director shrieked, and so did Mariah. Her husband cried out and went to try and help her up, and this was when she reached for him, and got her fingers caught in the lace of the red thong that was sticking out of his pocket. Needless to say….the entire stage stopped. Some dancers had already started to drink the cordial, and you could hear gagging and vomiting, while Mariah was screaming in agony and shock to have a red thong in her hands.

“NICK?! What have you done?”

“Baby…I don’t know where that came from.”

Simone snuck off to the left side of the stage and chuckled darkly while singing…

“They had it coming….they had it coming….”

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